7 Ideas to Build Perseverance in Students

7 Ideas to Build Perseverance in Students

Several years ago, researchers from the U.S. traveled to Singapore to uncover why students there consistently scored in the top world rankings for math. (American students typically rank around 30 in the world rankings.)

What Singapore Teachers Teach…

As the researchers were in Singapore, they were looking for an amazing new solution they could bring back to U.S. schools. But instead of a grand key, they found that as Singapore students did their work, they were consistently reinforced with two ideas: attitude and perseverance. As a result, the researchers saw that students in Singapore were “willing and eager to tackle any problem the teacher gave them, without even a hint of complaint.”

As part of the researchers’ study, Singaporean teachers permitted an experiment. They grouped third graders into small groups and gave them a math problem from a higher-level workbook, which contained principles they hadn’t learned yet. Then, the teachers instructed the students to work on the problem as long as they needed. Immediately, their tenacity was apparent: “Not a single kid asked the teacher why they were given this difficult problem, or why the problem contained topics they had not covered.” Instead, they worked on the problem within their groups for over an hour, drawing models to help them figure out the steps to the solution. They worked until the teacher forced them to stop. Some groups had completed the problem, but all had at least uncovered a few correct steps. This showed the researchers how well “perseverance” was ingrained in these students.

Meanwhile, Back Home…

When the researchers arrived back in the U.S., they set up a similar experiment on American students, following the same steps they created in Singapore. The results, however, were drastically different. Whereas Singaporean students worked until they were forced to stop, American students on average spent only 34 seconds before proceeding to quit. They were quoted as saying, “I don’t get it,” “I’m done,” “This is too hard,” and “How do they expect us to know this?” As a result, researchers concluded that the attitude and perseverance of American students was almost nonexistent in comparison to Singaporean students.

What Causes American Kids to Give Up So Easily?

Let me venture to suggest a number of reasons why perseverance is down:

1. Instead of reinforcing tenacity, we make life convenient for our children. We have worked to remove (not embrace) difficulties, viewing them as negative.

2. They have an incorrect perception of what it takes to achieve great things. They watch highlight reels on SportsCenter, but never see the hours of practice athletes put in to be able to dunk a basketball or hit a curve ball.

3. All the answers they need are at their fingertips on a portable device. Instead of learning critical thinking skills, they ask Google. It’s an instant answer.

4. When solutions don’t come quickly, an adult (often a parent) swoops in to save the day. Their commitment muscle atrophies from disuse.

Does this speak to every American student? Of course not. Do we teach kids every day to work hard and struggle through their problems? Yes. But I’d be willing to bet that most teachers in the U.S., at any level of education, have seen this lack of perseverance in their classroom. It’s the kid who buys a new video game and can’t get past the first level after two minutes. Instead of working hard and long, he or she goes to the Internet to find a cheat code that will take him straight to level two with no effort at all. This is more the norm now than the exception.

From Tim Elmore & GrowingLeaders.com

Branded: Think About This

Think About This

By Kristen Ivy, Elizabeth Hansen

I remember a few years ago when I was leading a small group and one of the girls had stopped attending. I knew she was making some unwise choices related to drinking, and she was choosing not to come to church anymore because she didn’t want to feel judged. But here’s the interesting thing: she still liked hanging out. We would meet from time to time, at Starbucks, at a school event,—anywhere that she knew we would have fun. And 
in those moments, I didn’t talk about her decisions. She knew what I thought. But I knew at that juncture in her life, it was more important to have fun and stay connected than to continue reminding her of something she already knew.

Hint: most kids and teenagers shut down when you take the eye-to-eye, “let’s talk about what’s going on” approach, they tend to talk when they’re engaged in a fun activity, not making eye contact, and feel in control of the agenda.

If you’re a parent, you may need to set aside time with your kids when you agree not to discuss their issues. This can be especially true if they are in a tough season of life. When the tension is high, you need a scheduled break—just to have fun together.

It’s not that fun is the most important thing. If you give teenagers words and stories that are boring, they may not care. If you belong to a tribe that never laughs, they won’t want to be a part of it.

So whatever you do this week,

make it fun.

New Series: Branded

Check out the new series preview video!

90 second Series Preview:  http://vimeo.com/xp3students/branded

Be A Student of Your Student

I'm Sorry.  Please Forgive Me.

I can think of multiple times in my life when I’ve been in an emotional stand off with someone over something they did or said—or maybe something they didn’t say or didn’t do. Taking the first steps towards getting back on good terms is simple enough—in theory. But saying the words “I’m sorry, please forgive me” often feels like it costs too much. So, too often we choose silence in the hopes that time will fix it, instead of intentional reconciliation.

Unfortunately, not apologizing can be costly—maybe even especially to the relationship with our teenagers. Maybe sometimes you don’t want to apologize because you know that they are the one who did something wrong. Maybe in reaction to something your son did, you lashed out and said something that was a little harsh—but you excused it because his behavior was completely unacceptable. Or maybe you found yourself sneaking through bedroom drawers just to squelch some rising suspicions and it really broke your daughter’s trust—but you were justified in what you did, so an apology seems unnecessary. You didn’t do anything outside of your parental rights, per se, but your son or daughter feels hurt, betrayed or angry.

Saying I’m sorry can be so hard. Admitting you’re wrong, or that you even had a small part in an argument or bad situation, can physically hurt sometimes. It doesn’t sit well. On the other hand, when someone has apologized to you, or you have made the first step towards reconciliation, something distinct and compelling happens. There is a sense of relief, of vulnerability and calm. All from simply saying—or hearing—“I’m sorry, please forgive me.”

What is it about an apology that can be so powerful—both for the receiver of the apology and the one actually apologizing?

Apology has the ability to disarm others of their anger and to prevent further misunderstandings. While an apology cannot undo harmful past actions, if done sincerely and effectively, it can undo the negative effects of those actions … Apologizing helps us remain emotionally connected to our friends and loved ones.…

So, the next time you find yourself in a stand off with your spouse, a co-worker a friend or even your son or daughter, remember that more is on the line than just your pride and sense of justice. The future relationship, the ability to stay connected to and vulnerable with that person is on the line too. The words “I’m sorry, please forgive me” may be hard to say, but they are always worth the effort!

TRY THIS

The action point for this series is pretty straightforward: Apologize to your student.

But sometimes this is easier said than done. So what are some characteristics of a meaningful apology?

First of all, admit that you are truly sorry for the hurt or damage you caused. It’s easy with our students to unintentionally do or say something that they take personally. And even though we don’t always mean things the way they hear or experience them, the hurt that can be caused is still real to them. So, while you may not have meant to be hurtful, recognizing that someone else was hurt by your actions is incredibly important.

Secondly, a sincere and powerful apology includes an acceptance of responsibility. This may seem like the same thing as admitting you are sorry for the hurt you caused. But it actually takes this idea of admittance one step further. When you accept responsibility, you are not making excuses for what you did, which often has the effect of negating the apology. It’s like when your student says, “I’m really sorry that I dented the car, but the other driver was way too close to me and I couldn’t see them well out of my side mirror.” Too many excuses cloud a good apology with a message of “It really wasn’t my fault.” For an apology to be meaningful and sincere, you have to communicate that you take full responsibility for your actions.

And lastly, there should always be something in your apology that shows you have a desire to remedy the situation. You obviously can’t go back and undo what was done—or not done—but you can offer a plan to make sure it doesn’t happen again. So, if you’ve missed your son’s basketball game … again … and he is really hurt and angry, make a plan and offer a promise to get to one of his upcoming games. And then do it! An empty promise will only make the hurt deeper, so don’t promise what you can’t deliver. But be sure to offer some sort of a plan of action so that your son or daughter knows that you will work towards not repeating the action that hurt them in the first place.

Take some time to think through what a meaningful apology might look like for your son or daughter. And then, go say the words that make all the difference in the world—I’m sorry, please forgive me.  Take that last step of asking for forgiveness.  Asking for forgiveness puts the ball in their court for true healing and restoration of what happened.  

Collide: Who Are We?

Parents, 

1. Be a Student of What They are Learning

The Bible is a big story. It’s the story of the beginning. It’s the story of God’s people. It’s the story of a great rescue. And, ultimately, it’s the story of you and me—and the love God has for His people. Each part of God’s story is richly connected to the next and has something to say to every one of us. So, let’s take a journey through the story and discover a God who has something to say to us, here and now, through a story that started “In the beginning.”  We have spend the last 2 weeks and will spend the next 4 weeks walking through "Who We Are."  In the youth room, there are 5 different colored chairs up on stage.  They each mean something different about who we are in our relationship with The Lord.  The 5 chairs are the following:  "Don't Know Jesus. Know Jesus. Follow Jesus. Serve Jesus. Change Your World."  Every single student is sitting in one of those chairs.  We are walking through each chair in hopes of encouraging them to take their next step along those chairs.  For instance, if they do not know Jesus, we pray that by the end of this discussion they will make a decision to know Jesus.  Here is the "Bottom Line" for this Sunday Night:  God initiated a promise with His people even though they didn't deserve it.  (Genesis 12:1-3, 15:1-6)

2. Be a Student of Your Student

Have you ever noticed how a good movie or book can draw you in? How it can offer you something unique? Something big? Something more? A good story has the ability to make you feel connected to something bigger than yourself. Whether it’s a true story of someone else’s struggle or a comedy cataloging the silly antics of a make-believe character, a good story allows us to both escape reality and capture it at the same time.

This is true for adults and for our students. It’s why so many teenagers flock to see the latest Twilight or Hunger Games movie. As one Relevant Magazine article puts it, “To get right down to it, stories like Star Wars illustrate the deep longings of humankind …” (http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/film/features/3148-the-force-of-truth-star-wars).

You might even say that in these stories we find a piece of ourselves—we find something to identify with that makes us feel like we can know ourselves a little bit better.

An excerpt from a recent Psychology Today article pinpoints exactly what this looks like for teenagers (to read the full article, go to http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/movies-and-the-mind/201212/praising-the-lord-the-rings-in-anticipation-the-hobbit):

Psychologists such as Dan McAdams (The Stories We Live By) argue that identity is inherently narrative. Fundamental questions such as “Who am I?” are answered through the stories we [speak] out about ourselves. Stories about our struggles, our triumphs, our loves, and our hates combine into the sum total of our sense of self. For most people, these identity stories really emerge in adolescence. Certainly younger children tell stories, but their stories tend to be loose and episodic. In adolescence, people start trying to tell stories that put all the pieces of what they do and think together into a more or less coherent whole.

One of the things I was doing in early adolescence was reading Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings. It immersed me in a strange world that only vaguely mirrored my own, yet the archetypal motifs of the quest, wisdom, heroism, and evil were instantly familiar. Tolkien transformed these motifs into a series of tales that idealized friendship, loyalty, endurance, sacrifice and compassion, and these themes were woven into my identity.

Books, movies, music, television shows—the things of culture—matter to students, because they identify a piece of themselves in the stories being told. They feel connected to something bigger while simultaneously discovering something more about themselves. And we, as parents, have the potential to tap into that—not only to learn about our students, but teach them a bit about ourselves as well. When we learn about the stories that matter to them and share our own stories, we grow in understanding and this gives us amazing relational leverage.

3. Action Point-Parent Challenge!

For this Action Point, there are two opportunities for you to connect with your student around this idea of story and identity. You can choose whichever one feels the most comfortable for you, or find time to do both.

Option A: Find out from your student what their favorite movie is and then sit down and watch it together. After the movie, take some time to talk about some of the themes that were present (good versus evil, brokenness and redemption, good choices versus bad choices, etc.) and then ask your student why they like that particular movie. What connects with them the most? What do they feel when they watch it? You can make this conversation casual and comfortable. Don’t force it, or it might start to feel like another homework assignment. The goal is to simply have a dialogue with your student to discover more about who they are and give them a chance to share their favorite story with you.

Option B: Just as learning about oneself through stories is an important process of adolescence, so is learning about the story of our parents. Take some time to share your own story with your son or daughter. When did you first discover how much God loved you? When did you make a decision to follow Jesus? Who or what played a role in that decision? Share about your faith journey so that your student can begin to understand your story as an important part of their own.