Parents (written in October 2012),
Over the past year or so, I have really
wrestled with technology. There are so
many benefits to cell phones, the Internet, and iPods. However, there are numerous pitfalls as well. I had no intention of writing an article to
send you, but these thoughts have been laid on my heart to the degree in which
I could not keep silent any longer. So,
I write this article for myself, in desire to be a greater God-honoring Student
Pastor. Additionally, I write this
article in hopes that I may be able to encourage and equip you as you live to
follow God and parent your children. So,
I truly pray you take the time to read this tremendously valuable
information.
Texting,
Tweeting, & Technology: What You
Don’t Want to Know
I could probably look up a bunch of statistics
on students with cell phones, Facebook or Twitter accounts, or the number of
texts a student sends a month (which I know: ~4,000, over 130/day). However, I am not interested in that. I want to offer some of my observations I
witness from watching students interact with technology. These are simply my observations on the
heartbeat of students right now. Then we
can look at how we can help encourage them, keep them accountable, and maturing
spiritually.
This Should Scare You
Some of your kids may not even have cell
phones, Facebook, Twitter, etc. However,
if you are getting this email, they most likely have access to the Internet
once in a while. Did you know that
anyone could get online and look at pornography without much effort? If nothing else, kids can watch
inappropriate/sensual YouTube videos or Google an image they want in a matter
of seconds. If they have a cell phone
with a data plan, that is always at their fingertips—even for the most
disciplined of kids. Don’t think you are
off the hook if your child only has an iPod Touch; students can use those to do
everything a cell phone with a data plan has (except make phone calls).
I send out mass texts to students every week
reminding them about church on Sunday mornings and nights. Within the past month, a student accidently
replied to me instead of someone else saying, “I will send you one (a picture),
but not a naked one.” Man! I sure was
surprised with that reply! All I did was
let them know about church! After
showing my supervisor the text, I got to have a great conversation with this
student to hear the inside scoop. She
told me that it is very common for guys to ask girls for pictures of themselves
(clothed and nude). She went on to say
she would never do that (Praise God!), but continued to explain how common it
is for guys to ask and for girls to give them the pictures. Then she said, “Guys that go to church (our
church and others) are not exempt from doing this either.”
Did You Know?
Students used to use Facebook all the time;
however, within the past year, many of them have left for Twitter and/or
Instagram. I only really use Facebook
(and Twitter) to observe what people say.
After I got a Twitter account (July), I realized how quiet Facebook is from
the standpoint of students sharing information, feelings, and thoughts. My guess:
Twitter is simple, like texting, but has the benefits of Facebook (and
without parents being on it, for the most part).
In our society today, First Church Students…
·
Make everything public (the good,
the bad, and the ugly)
·
Spill their personal junk! (on
Twitter/Facebook/somewhere)
·
Use texting/Twitter/Facebook to
receive instant gratification
·
Use unhealthy means whenever they
are lonely (mostly at night via texting)
·
Are up late into the night/early
morning on Twitter/Facebook
·
Struggle with having serious
conversations in person, but will text me afterwards to share what they
couldn’t tell me face-to-face
All of this information is not just my
general thoughts about students today, but this is seen even from students who
call First Church home (middle and high school).
So What Do We Do?
Some of you may be hoping that I just say get
rid of all technology! I would be all
for that, except then we would have kids who are more rebellious towards
us. So, how do we make these two
co-exist and not destroy their hearts in the process?
Internet—The amazing opportunities the
Internet has are incredible! There are
so many great things that come from this, yet like most of life, there are also
many pitfalls.
Cell Phones—These are awesome! I used to have to call my parents “Collect”
when I was done with practice early to get a ride home (of course, they would
never accept the call). Now students can
simply send a text and be on their way!
Yet, so many people, of all ages, are strongly attached to devices
today. Good or bad, it’s true.
iPod Touch—If a kid cannot get their hands
on a cell phone, this is the next best thing!
It is almost better because they are not forced to make phone calls and
can simply text their friends wherever there is Wi-Fi (which isn’t hard to find
these days).
Don’t get me wrong, I love technology! I can send texts to 150+ students about
Student Ministries meetings within a matter of minutes! We have the ability to be so interconnected
and have so much information at our fingertips!
Yet, I feel like because of technology, we are often not present with
the people who are in the same room.
7 Ways to Encourage Healthiness
1.
Set the Example: If you are on your phone or Internet when you
are around your kids, they believe they have every right to do the same.
2.
Times to Say No: God did not create us to be wired constantly,
so teach your kids that it is healthy to be unplugged for periods of time (at
the dinner table, after 9pm when they are most lonely, etc.) Have a place where you keep all of the
electronics/cell phones in a common room or your room at night so they are not
tempted to use them instead of sleep (Twitter and Facebook have this great
device that allows you to see what time things are posted; I can tell who
sleeps and who is on their phone in the middle of the night).
3.
Open-Book Policy: This is HUGE!
My guess is that you are paying for their cell phone bill, and if
nothing else you are paying for them to live under your roof. With that comes certain rules and
responsibilities. One of those rules must be an
open-book policy with all electronic devices! Why would we not keep our kids accountable
for their actions? Just like we may be
concerned with a certain boy/girl our child is dating, that relationship
quickly escalates because of texting/image sending, much faster than any other
means. So, have access to their phone
whenever you choose—look through their web browsing history (If your child will
not let you look at their Internet history or if it is cleared, or certain
parts of the history is removed, it is very likely they are struggling with
pornography). Also, read their text
messages (don’t let them delete them first) and see who they are talking
with. Also, I know of a parent who told
me he doesn’t have a Twitter account, but his son’s account is on his phone
(you can have multiple Twitter accounts on your phone and switch between them
very easily). Have access to their
Facebook and Twitter accounts. Both my
mother and my wife have my password to my accounts. Why would I not want to keep myself
accountable? Plus, my mother uses my
Facebook to keep up with our extended family.
4.
Communication Skills: Fast food places are struggling with hiring
teenagers because they cannot find capable individuals who can look a customer
in the eyes and communicate effectively with them. Kids are more apt to have serious
conversations hidden behind screens. We
need to teach them what healthy communication looks like face-to-face and to
handle conflict face-to-face.
5.
Photos:
This one is kind of scary. As you
check through their phone, look through their photo album. Ask them about the pictures they send/receive
or what people ask of them when texting.
Sending inappropriate pictures via text is a very serious crime.
6.
Struggles:
We all struggle; we all walk through hard times. This life can often get us down. Life seemed a lot easier as an elementary
kid, but somewhere along the lines, life changed. However, that does not mean we have to let
Satan win! Communicate with your child;
encourage them to seek healthy ways to share their struggles and loneliness. Have a close enough relationship with your
child to encourage them to share with you about their struggles. Then, also encourage them to share with a
trusted adult. We have 30+ adults that
serve with students every single week just at First Church. There are people who love them and who will
listen to them.
7.
MOST IMPORTANT: Do all of these things out of love, not out
of a desire to catch them doing something wrong. We need to let our kids know this as well;
otherwise, we will simply be viewed as the parent patrol. DO NOT march into their room as soon you
finish reading this and demand to see their cell phone. It must be done in relationship, out of love,
not because we said so because we are the boss.
Great Resources:
XXXWatch.com is a FREE application that anyone
can install on computers and smart phones. For an additional small fee,
anyone can subscribe to Covenant Eyes, which has better support and more
detailed reports. They can literally see all the apps installed on a
device and every site that has been visited, even if the kid deletes history.
Also, there is great information on how to
respond to these issues with your child at http://www.xxxchurch.com/help.html.
Tim Elmore’s blog on leading the next
generation:
http://growingleaders.com/blog.
Also, this specific article is great as we learn more about the
consequences of technology: http://growingleaders.com/blog/the-unintended-consequences-of-technology/#more-5641.
I know for Verizon, you get online and see
all the text messages and pictures that cell phones have sent or received.
Final Thoughts
Kids are very smart. They know how to get away with things. My goal is not to try to catch them in
everything they do wrong. However, I do
believe much growth comes through being held accountable. I want these students to know that we hold
them to a higher standard. Please
contact me if you have any questions, comments, or concerns. I have an open door policy, feel free to stop
by anytime.
The BEST is yet to come,
Luke Diehl
