Students & Technology

Parents (written in October 2012),

Over the past year or so, I have really wrestled with technology.  There are so many benefits to cell phones, the Internet, and iPods.  However, there are numerous pitfalls as well.  I had no intention of writing an article to send you, but these thoughts have been laid on my heart to the degree in which I could not keep silent any longer.  So, I write this article for myself, in desire to be a greater God-honoring Student Pastor.  Additionally, I write this article in hopes that I may be able to encourage and equip you as you live to follow God and parent your children.  So, I truly pray you take the time to read this tremendously valuable information. 

Texting, Tweeting, & Technology:  What You Don’t Want to Know

I could probably look up a bunch of statistics on students with cell phones, Facebook or Twitter accounts, or the number of texts a student sends a month (which I know: ~4,000, over 130/day).  However, I am not interested in that.  I want to offer some of my observations I witness from watching students interact with technology.   These are simply my observations on the heartbeat of students right now.  Then we can look at how we can help encourage them, keep them accountable, and maturing spiritually. 

This Should Scare You

Some of your kids may not even have cell phones, Facebook, Twitter, etc.  However, if you are getting this email, they most likely have access to the Internet once in a while.  Did you know that anyone could get online and look at pornography without much effort?  If nothing else, kids can watch inappropriate/sensual YouTube videos or Google an image they want in a matter of seconds.  If they have a cell phone with a data plan, that is always at their fingertips—even for the most disciplined of kids.  Don’t think you are off the hook if your child only has an iPod Touch; students can use those to do everything a cell phone with a data plan has (except make phone calls). 

I send out mass texts to students every week reminding them about church on Sunday mornings and nights.  Within the past month, a student accidently replied to me instead of someone else saying, “I will send you one (a picture), but not a naked one.” Man!  I sure was surprised with that reply!  All I did was let them know about church!  After showing my supervisor the text, I got to have a great conversation with this student to hear the inside scoop.  She told me that it is very common for guys to ask girls for pictures of themselves (clothed and nude).  She went on to say she would never do that (Praise God!), but continued to explain how common it is for guys to ask and for girls to give them the pictures.  Then she said, “Guys that go to church (our church and others) are not exempt from doing this either.” 

Did You Know?

Students used to use Facebook all the time; however, within the past year, many of them have left for Twitter and/or Instagram.  I only really use Facebook (and Twitter) to observe what people say.  After I got a Twitter account (July), I realized how quiet Facebook is from the standpoint of students sharing information, feelings, and thoughts.  My guess:  Twitter is simple, like texting, but has the benefits of Facebook (and without parents being on it, for the most part). 

In our society today, First Church Students…

   ·      Make everything public (the good, the bad, and the ugly)

   ·      Spill their personal junk! (on Twitter/Facebook/somewhere)

   ·      Use texting/Twitter/Facebook to receive instant gratification

   ·      Use unhealthy means whenever they are lonely (mostly at night via texting)

   ·      Are up late into the night/early morning on Twitter/Facebook

   ·      Struggle with having serious conversations in person, but will text me afterwards to share what they couldn’t tell me face-to-face

All of this information is not just my general thoughts about students today, but this is seen even from students who call First Church home (middle and high school). 

So What Do We Do?

Some of you may be hoping that I just say get rid of all technology!  I would be all for that, except then we would have kids who are more rebellious towards us.  So, how do we make these two co-exist and not destroy their hearts in the process?

Internet—The amazing opportunities the Internet has are incredible!  There are so many great things that come from this, yet like most of life, there are also many pitfalls. 

Cell Phones—These are awesome!  I used to have to call my parents “Collect” when I was done with practice early to get a ride home (of course, they would never accept the call).  Now students can simply send a text and be on their way!  Yet, so many people, of all ages, are strongly attached to devices today.  Good or bad, it’s true. 

iPod Touch—If a kid cannot get their hands on a cell phone, this is the next best thing!  It is almost better because they are not forced to make phone calls and can simply text their friends wherever there is Wi-Fi (which isn’t hard to find these days). 

Don’t get me wrong, I love technology!  I can send texts to 150+ students about Student Ministries meetings within a matter of minutes!  We have the ability to be so interconnected and have so much information at our fingertips!  Yet, I feel like because of technology, we are often not present with the people who are in the same room. 

7 Ways to Encourage Healthiness

   1.     Set the Example:  If you are on your phone or Internet when you are around your kids, they believe they have every right to do the same.

   2.     Times to Say No:  God did not create us to be wired constantly, so teach your kids that it is healthy to be unplugged for periods of time (at the dinner table, after 9pm when they are most lonely, etc.)  Have a place where you keep all of the electronics/cell phones in a common room or your room at night so they are not tempted to use them instead of sleep (Twitter and Facebook have this great device that allows you to see what time things are posted; I can tell who sleeps and who is on their phone in the middle of the night).

   3.     Open-Book Policy:  This is HUGE!  My guess is that you are paying for their cell phone bill, and if nothing else you are paying for them to live under your roof.  With that comes certain rules and responsibilities.  One of those rules must be an open-book policy with all electronic devices!  Why would we not keep our kids accountable for their actions?  Just like we may be concerned with a certain boy/girl our child is dating, that relationship quickly escalates because of texting/image sending, much faster than any other means.  So, have access to their phone whenever you choose—look through their web browsing history (If your child will not let you look at their Internet history or if it is cleared, or certain parts of the history is removed, it is very likely they are struggling with pornography).  Also, read their text messages (don’t let them delete them first) and see who they are talking with.  Also, I know of a parent who told me he doesn’t have a Twitter account, but his son’s account is on his phone (you can have multiple Twitter accounts on your phone and switch between them very easily).  Have access to their Facebook and Twitter accounts.  Both my mother and my wife have my password to my accounts.  Why would I not want to keep myself accountable?  Plus, my mother uses my Facebook to keep up with our extended family. 

   4.     Communication Skills:  Fast food places are struggling with hiring teenagers because they cannot find capable individuals who can look a customer in the eyes and communicate effectively with them.  Kids are more apt to have serious conversations hidden behind screens.  We need to teach them what healthy communication looks like face-to-face and to handle conflict face-to-face.

   5.     Photos:  This one is kind of scary.  As you check through their phone, look through their photo album.  Ask them about the pictures they send/receive or what people ask of them when texting.  Sending inappropriate pictures via text is a very serious crime. 

   6.     Struggles:  We all struggle; we all walk through hard times.  This life can often get us down.  Life seemed a lot easier as an elementary kid, but somewhere along the lines, life changed.  However, that does not mean we have to let Satan win!  Communicate with your child; encourage them to seek healthy ways to share their struggles and loneliness.  Have a close enough relationship with your child to encourage them to share with you about their struggles.  Then, also encourage them to share with a trusted adult.  We have 30+ adults that serve with students every single week just at First Church.  There are people who love them and who will listen to them. 

   7.     MOST IMPORTANT:  Do all of these things out of love, not out of a desire to catch them doing something wrong.  We need to let our kids know this as well; otherwise, we will simply be viewed as the parent patrol.  DO NOT march into their room as soon you finish reading this and demand to see their cell phone.  It must be done in relationship, out of love, not because we said so because we are the boss.

Great Resources:

XXXWatch.com is a FREE application that anyone can install on computers and smart phones.  For an additional small fee, anyone can subscribe to Covenant Eyes, which has better support and more detailed reports.  They can literally see all the apps installed on a device and every site that has been visited, even if the kid deletes history. 

Also, there is great information on how to respond to these issues with your child at http://www.xxxchurch.com/help.html. 

Tim Elmore’s blog on leading the next generation:  http://growingleaders.com/blog.  Also, this specific article is great as we learn more about the consequences of technology:  http://growingleaders.com/blog/the-unintended-consequences-of-technology/#more-5641.

I know for Verizon, you get online and see all the text messages and pictures that cell phones have sent or received. 

Final Thoughts

Kids are very smart.  They know how to get away with things.  My goal is not to try to catch them in everything they do wrong.  However, I do believe much growth comes through being held accountable.  I want these students to know that we hold them to a higher standard.  Please contact me if you have any questions, comments, or concerns.  I have an open door policy, feel free to stop by anytime. 

The BEST is yet to come,

Luke Diehl